Note: This is mainly a record of how I'm feeling for my own recollection. Read only if you feel like hearing me complain!Four weeks of bed rest down. After the initial shock, it got better for a while there, but it is getting old again, fast. Here comes the whine....
I am SO ready to have my house and life back (even though I know I am SO VERY BLESSED to have so much family support). Sitting back watching other people run your life is extremely hard! Although it sounds nice, it is anything but. I never saw myself as a control freak but I am starting to wonder if I had a clear view of myself! It is driving me insane to not be able to take control of my own household, spending normal quality time with Quincy and getting out and doing things. It's killing me to know that I am stuck here in bed with the precious few weeks left before all our lives are turned upside down. I feel that the days are wasting away and I am able to spend quality time with Quincy less and less because I am constrained to one room, barely able to roll over anymore! These are the weeks I wanted to spend extra time with Q, bonding with her, doing special things, and I am just having to sit back and watch her deal with all this out-of-the-norm activity in our house. I haven't had much, if any, one-on-one time with my baby girl lately... or more than 15 minutes when I am alone in the house! :( I am a pretty independent type and having my independence taken away has sure been hard.
I am feeling super sad about the upcoming change in her life and feeling terrible that right now I can't tuck her in, bath her, read to her in "our special rocking chair", get her ready for school, etc. Is this normal? I assume it is, right? How can you not begin to feel a bit sad knowing your "baby" will soon find out that they are not the center of the universe?
I know it's affected her already. Before I was put on bed rest just four weeks ago, life was good. It was normal, and we had our routine with things under control. As the weeks have passed and her routine has been disrupted, I have seen her change. She has been pretty darn sassy, defiant, whiny, and she's had more crying fits in four weeks than we've had in two years! So frustrating considering I can't even get out of bed to discipline! I am still not sure if it's completely due to the changes or if it's just partly her age. She'll be four in about 4 months and I recall her going through a "difficult" phase a few months before she turned three as well.
I even read a whole parenting book today (since I happen to have some extra time on my hands). It seemed full of good ideas and strategies but so much easier said than done, especially since I can't even remember what the book said 4 hours later! I guess I'll have to go back over my highlights again tomorrow and take notes :)
So, that's how I'm feeling. I have plenty of time to rant since I'm here all day. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for all our blessings. It wasn't easy for us to get pregnant with Quincy or the twins and we know how extremely blessed we are. This is all completely worth it but it is still not fun :) We'll get through it all, of course. I know that. I also know that as hard as this seems now, it's still the calm before the storm! I am just looking forward to a time when life is back on track. I like routine and normalcy. I'm a planner and this was not all part of my plan! It sure has thrown me for a loop.
